Yesterday I talked about milking cows and I needed to write about it because I needed to remind myself that cows don’t milk themselves. I mean, can you imagine?
Almost 2 years ago a friend encouraged me to start this blog but for a year and a half I wrote about stuff. The blog had no cohesion because I didn’t give it any and I floated it out into a world where everyone voices their thoughts on social media and opinions are a dime a dozen. I knew I had something bigger inside but for all my acts of courage in self-exposure and sharing I was too afraid to put my real dreams into words. I have halfway homeschooled and halfway traveled and halfway loved the life I’m in because doing things all the way and loving things all the way is SCARY.
Have you ever felt that way?
I’ve heard it said that nothing worth doing is easy. Maybe like the first time you say the words I LOVE YOU half of our insides are screaming, “Don’t put yourself out there! REJECTION!!! It’s a thing!!!” while the other half is compulsively pushing and pulling the ideas and thoughts and actions needed to make dreams reality. Nothing happens unless we take action. So here I am, after wading through the bs of getting a logo and getting pictures taken and naming a website and getting a domain email address and ordering business cards etc…here I am, proclaiming my plan. I plan to write. I plan to write to empower other people to quiet the voices inside and outside that tell them they can’t do things and I want to write to hold their hands and tell them they CAN. And they WILL. I will continue write to inspire mamas everywhere to quite trying to shove their adventurous hearts into Pinterest inspired cookie projects and crafts. I want to take you with me when we go places because too many of my friends tell me they wish they could go but they, “just can’t.” I want to take you with me so many times that you start listening to the embers inside of you and start fanning them into flames so you can change your mindset and know that you “just can’t” NOT feed your soul and act on your dreams.
My dreams aren’t everyone’s dreams but for the people that share them – I want to be proof that they are possible.
My proof came in a pint-sized woman who did hard things and never cracked under pressure. She had soft hands and pink, painted lips and her hair was always just so. She went places and she saw things and she raised wild boys with big hearts and she did so much of it on her own as her partner sat 20,000 leagues below the ocean on missions and deployments. She was brave and beautiful and though often stone cold serious she gave the warmest hugs and best smack-kisses in the universe. She was my Grammy.
As we continue to explore this island that I know calls to me in so many ways because at different times she made Oahu her home – I see her around corners in shops and laughing at tables in restaurants. I see her painted lips and well-coifed hair and gentle blue eyes. I see her and I know that she approves. She not only approves, she pushes and pulls when I am hearing the warnings of rejection in my head. This week it has been 2 years since we lost her. I am grateful I can still see her and hear her and find peace and inspiration in her gentle nudges of confidence and encouragement.
Who inspires you? Where do you get your nudges? Are you listening to the right voices?
I’m struggling this week with making peace with opinions of others and the calling in my heart to do bigger things. I imagine it’s an ongoing battle and part of life.
I plan to win this round; how about you?
Big thank you to my dad for scanning and emailing me the old pictures of my young Grammy. They are a treasure!